WHAT NEEDED TO BE DONE

I did what I felt I needed to do today and I feel like the worse person in the world right now. I think that this normally how any person should feel when you do something that your heart is totally against. It did help any that I had a bunch of crazy people to deal with today. But, I have been going over this choice for quite some time now and it's the only one that makes since.

If I think back on everything that has occurred and look to the future to everything that can occur and it doesn't look tempting... Well, at least from my perspective. Not to say that things are going to be bad. It just not the direction I want to take, and too much of myself is involved. I since I can't express myself in every way possible I need to let go. Besides, I'm tired of being on other peoples terms, and not my own. The one thing that I can say is that I tried. But I always felt like a bad person due to the fact that I was not completely honest. I had to walk on glass and conceal my true feelings for fear of being made to feel like I was being over emotional and getting too far in. I've been honest before and was damn near exiled for it. I learned that you shouldn't ask questions that you don't want to hear the answers too.

Being jealousy is not a healthy nor attractive trait that one should have. And then having to disguise jealousy with happiness creates anger and then the reflects badly on the person, I.E. "Yours Truly!" and makes you seem like an angry or depressed person.

I can't play the role of the fall back guy. I wont. I'm tired of compromising my feelings and feeling as though I still ended up where I began "Shit out of Luck" and with "the short end of the stick." I know what I want and I wont cover up what my heart is feeling. And if I'm going to be denied I want to be the one denying myself. So since everyone else around me can be selfish and only thinks about what will make them happy I guess I need to start doing the same.

So I'm doing it... and it's will be one less person for both people to worry about. But... I don't feel so good inside.

Yours Truly