REAL FRIENDS

I'm happy for real friends. I know when I'm around real friends because I feel completely comfortable to be me!!! And it's makes me smile. I went out with my friends last night and it was nothing but fun. On top of that I ran into my friends from High School!! We're all growing up and I can't believe it. People are getting married having kids. It's crazy!! But then I remebered that we're all adults now and this is the real world. But WOW!!!! That's all I can say. But, I'm glad that I have friends around to go thorugh this with. So Even with me locking my keys in the car today, and my clucth going out, I'm in a particularly great mood!!! ;) I just feel the love, and the friends!!!! They made my day last night.. And It was as simple as hanging out and talking and acting stupid!!! I need more of that!!!


From a Real Friend!!!

BLURR

Everything is a blurr to me. I think it's that whole Monday thing. They need to change Monday to a different name. Then people would not be able to say that they have a case of the "MONDAY'S"

My car broke down, but what else is new. So, I did what any other girl would do, CRIED! Then I got over it and just paid the money, that was saved for something else other than my car, to fix my car.

I feel good for some odd reason. I talked to some friends and they consoled my, which I believe helped me get over it faster. I actually started laughing which helped a great deal. I guess what I needed was for someone to listen to me. It's helps.

So right now I bored. But what else is new. I think that I'll have six more months of boredom and then the fun starts!!! That makes me extremely excited when I think of things in the long run.

WHAT NEEDED TO BE DONE

I did what I felt I needed to do today and I feel like the worse person in the world right now. I think that this normally how any person should feel when you do something that your heart is totally against. It did help any that I had a bunch of crazy people to deal with today. But, I have been going over this choice for quite some time now and it's the only one that makes since.

If I think back on everything that has occurred and look to the future to everything that can occur and it doesn't look tempting... Well, at least from my perspective. Not to say that things are going to be bad. It just not the direction I want to take, and too much of myself is involved. I since I can't express myself in every way possible I need to let go. Besides, I'm tired of being on other peoples terms, and not my own. The one thing that I can say is that I tried. But I always felt like a bad person due to the fact that I was not completely honest. I had to walk on glass and conceal my true feelings for fear of being made to feel like I was being over emotional and getting too far in. I've been honest before and was damn near exiled for it. I learned that you shouldn't ask questions that you don't want to hear the answers too.

Being jealousy is not a healthy nor attractive trait that one should have. And then having to disguise jealousy with happiness creates anger and then the reflects badly on the person, I.E. "Yours Truly!" and makes you seem like an angry or depressed person.

I can't play the role of the fall back guy. I wont. I'm tired of compromising my feelings and feeling as though I still ended up where I began "Shit out of Luck" and with "the short end of the stick." I know what I want and I wont cover up what my heart is feeling. And if I'm going to be denied I want to be the one denying myself. So since everyone else around me can be selfish and only thinks about what will make them happy I guess I need to start doing the same.

So I'm doing it... and it's will be one less person for both people to worry about. But... I don't feel so good inside.

Yours Truly